Double-O Smeato

Tuesday update: BBC News article about the do.

Another Sunday, another double pager in the News of the World, albeit relegated behind Jennifer Ellison and her love rat ex (“Tears rolling down her cheeks”) and the final interview with Tam ‘The Licensee’ McGraw – (by the man that really knew him). And an editorial too.

This week’s – increasingly tenuous and divorced from reality theme (or am I just jealous?) – Smeato the sex god. Done up in a dinner jacket and grasping a pistol presumably purchased from Tam Shepherds’ joke shop, and flanked by two platinum ‘glamour’ lovelies all a-flutter.

Priceless quotes, among others, include:

“The brave baggage handler has been fighting a new PHWOAR on terror….Scotland’s number 1 bachelor….girls have been phoning the airport and writing to me from all over the World…It’s a little scary at times.”

Duty to Thrill

And marvel, if you will, at those pensive chin-stroking gestures from Richard and Judy. Apparently the Smeatonator’s colleagues were asking, “Is that your head superimposed on someone else’s body?” And he was responding, “Naw – that’s me wee man”, with the same cheshire cat grin as demonstrated in the lower pic on the right (the one above the gravestone advert).

Cheshire

When will we see the first Smeato kiss and tell? It’s surely only a matter of time.

Yes Prime Minister
I got the scoop from the Smeat about the pow wow with big Gordon yesterday. “Cheer up Smeato!”, I cajoled him, marvelling at the pictures of the event. It’s the descent of his head (picture 1) and the fact that Gordon does all the talking in each photo that cracks me up – I think this must be the only recorded Smeato moment that he’s not speaking ten to the dozen.

Descent of napper

And the jeans! I bet even Sir Tom Hunter would put on some slacks for a trip to Downing Street…Smeato was probably wondering if he would get kicked out for being too casual.

But the prize snippet from the whole affair was this bit of dialogue the Smeatonator relayed to me:

[Context - Smeats has laid down the story of the 1400 pints, and how he is donating half to the Erksine charity]

Smeato: I can’t drink all those pints anyway, Prime Minister
Prime Minister: Call me Gordon, John
Smeato: Yes, Prime Minister

Rave at the ‘Grove
Tomorrow night is the big night with Wee ‘Eck at Kelvingrove. I hear the place will be swimming with politicians, BAA bigwigs, and all the main playas (including Mary?) from the day. Sadly, no invite from The First Minister has yet arrived in the johnsmeaton.com mailbox.

No, it may have to be a job of shinning up a drainpipe or trying to find the archetypal unlocked door at tha club, taking my inspiration from Lisa Maffia in her 2003 classic “All Over” (go to 1 minute 37 in). Rest ye assured I shall do my best to give you the inside story – the truth behind the glitz and glamour and flying kick demos.

Heroes
What with quotes like this, “This is a very brave man and a very courageous man…” and the new series on BBC2, the word is everywhere right now. He may not be able to fly or hear other peoples’ thoughts (perhaps not such a good thing anyway), but those nice people from CNN were over at the weekend to see him, as part of their show). After a spot of fishing, their bags were personally loaded back onto the plane to New York by himself and we will look forward to the show in due course.

Finally, if you haven’t yet heard it, tune in to Smeats’ performance on the Today radio show (right click, Save As) on Saturday morning. Oh yes, he’s sounding like a relaxed media pro these days (either that or possibly still a bit tipsy from Friday night), as he casually opens the interview with, “I was having a fly fag….”

Can’t you just picture him strolling on stage (perhaps at a local community centre) in years to come and casually uttering those words, only to have the place erupt?