JOHN SMEATON was a knockout on his Edinburgh Festival debut.

The Glasgow Airport hero had the picky Fringe audience eating out of his hand on the opening night of his hilarious An Audience With… show.

Smeato talked them through his meteoric rise from baggage handler to superstar.

They giggled about his meetings with Gordon Brown, the Queen and Billy Connolly.

And laughed out loud at his indecent proposal from two randy air stewardesses.

The Scottish Sun columnist also ‘set aboot’ George Burley.

Smeato said: “When Scotland played Norway last year I was in a coma. When Norway humped us last week I wished I was in a coma again.”

But it was the tales from the baggage hall which really had the crowd in stitches.

He recalled the time he reversed a luggage truck into two push-bikes waiting to be loaded on a flight, and bent them round a lamp-post.

Smeato confessed: “I felt rotten, but I still put them on the plane to Spain so the Spanish baggage handlers would get the blame.”

He also warned the crowd never to put a ‘fragile’ sticker on their bags, as they’re just asking for trouble from ham-fisted handlers.

However, the biggest laugh was for the tale about two airport new starts told to take a coffin to cargo, and they put it in baggage reclaim instead.

John told the crowd: “The body is going round the luggage carousel with the family waiting to collect it – and it’s too big to fit on a trolley.”

Talking of stiffs, the only downside was Smeato’s straight man Arnold Brown.

The 73-year-old comic is a past winner of the Festival’s coveted Perrier Award, but the fizz has long since gone out his act.

Arnold’s job was to chair the evening, but he struggled to keep up with the quick wit of Smeato and the rapid-fire questions from the 150-strong, sell-out crowd.

There were plenty of poignant moments too, including doctors giving John just four hours to live after a massive asthma attack last October.

He also spoke of his love for his ‘ultra feminist’ American wife Christy.

Smeato proved he has what it takes to carry the show without Arnold – it’s time to ditch the excess baggage.

EARLY morning rain spatters the kitchen windows of one of Edinburgh New Town’s more salubrious addresses as a sock-clad, sleepy-eyed John Smeaton pours his second cup of tea of the day.

The birds might still be in their beds, but Smeaton and his trademark Glasgow banter are already up and about. “Why does nobody take sugar any more?” he demands, shaking his head in mock outrage and handing me a steaming mug of sugarless tea. “Just what is the world coming tae?”

You’ve probably heard of John Smeaton. His is one of those names that lodge in the brain, even if the exact nature of his accomplishments escapes you. Smeaton; Smeato; Smeatonator. The baggage handler who took on Al-Qaeda at Glasgow Airport in June 2007 when two terrorists drove a flaming Jeep at its doors, who went to the aid of a policeman and kicked a terrorist before “some other guy banjoed him”. Who looked into the lens of a TV news camera and informed the world: “this is Glasgow. Glasgow doesnae accept this. We’ll set aboot ye.” He was feted by politicians, courted by chat show hosts, flown to America and handed awards. He was a hero. The salt of the earth. A real life action man.

But all that was more than two years ago. Back then, the joke went, Superman wore John Smeaton pyjamas. Now though, Superman is watching Susan Boyle on YouTube and reading about Peter and Jordan’s divorce. So is the age of Smeaton over? Or is there room for one last roll of the dice?

Ensconced in this Georgian flat, about as far removed from the home in Erskine he shares with his Mum and Dad as you could imagine, Smeaton – or perhaps more accurately his management – seems to think so. On the kitchen table lies a pile of flyers picturing him, clad in a reflector jacket and a moody expression, with Glasgow Airport in the background. The words An Audience With John Smeaton are written underneath. Below that: “He’ll set aboot you”.

Smeaton is making his Fringe debut. In the show he will be asked questions by Glasgow comedian Arnold Brown before the whole thing is thrown open to a Q&A session with a Festival audience who, at 11:25pm in a dark venue in the Assembly Rooms, might be more than a little on the lairy side. And he’s due to make his first performance that night.

Settling himself on the sofa while kids’ cartoons blare from the TV though, he seems relaxed and at ease. He is irrepressibly chatty, opining on every subject under the sun, from the number of troops in Afghanistan to the rights of British asylum seekers with very little prompting. He is funny, charming and articulate, the archetypical friendly Glaswegian who within five minutes of meeting you has extracted half of your life history, worked out which football team you support and knows whether or not you take sugar in your tea.

But while he may be a natural at “the banter”, it still doesn’t answer the question of why on earth he’s doing a Fringe show. He has no formal training, no experience (apart from two previews in Glasgow the previous week), and has only ever attended one Fringe show before, when he appeared on stage with his friend, the Glasgow comedian Janey Godley, in 2007.

“I’m going to see where it takes me,” he says. “Sometimes you think, ‘am I going to be any good at this?’ But it’s an opportunity and I got the opportunity. So you’ve got to grab it with both hands, go with the flow and say ‘right, let’s do this’.”

This has been Smeaton’s attitude right from the start. It’s what made him do that TV interview in the first place, and what made him sign up with Peter Rosengard, a 61-year-old life insurance salesman famous for having sold the world’s biggest policy (for $100 million, to record a company executive, it’s in the Guinness Book of Records) and for having founded the Comedy Store in London in 1979. Rosengard contacted Smeaton after seeing that TV interview, invited him down to London, signed him up, and has handled all his publicity since.

According to Rosengard, a cartoon pastiche of a showbiz manager who arrives at the flat brandishing an unlit cigar and shouting “Smeato!”, the Fringe show was his idea. “John is the most enthusiastic person I’ve ever met,” he tells me later, outside Waverley’s left luggage office while behind him a wooden-faced Smeaton lifts bags and poses for the cameras during a hastily arranged photo shoot. “It wasn’t in my CV managing a baggage handler, but he’s a lovely bloke and he’s got a role to play.”

Whatever that role is, it hasn’t made Smeaton much money. He gave up his job a few months after the incident, then took a job as a car park attendant, but decided it wasn’t for him. While he has flown half way round the world, met celebrities and politicians and appeared on TV many times, little of this has translated into financial gain. Recently he has been applying for jobs but, thanks to the recession, hasn’t had much luck. Hence, one suspects, the Fringe show.

Photo shoot over, Rosengard whisks Brown off to the Witchery for lunch while Smeaton and I head for the Doric, a pub near Waverley station. He seems quietly embarrassed about the photo shoot, a bit more vulnerable and a flicker more nervous than in the safety of his rented flat. I ask him about what effect the media circus had on him.

“I remember sitting at my friend’s house that night after it happened. I was watching the telly and my mates are laughing about it and I was finding it really hard to come to terms with what happened. At work the next day I couldn’t handle it. Everything was going over in my head, ‘What if? What if?’ Seeing that guy burning. I needed time off just to comprehend what had happened.”

And just about the time that he did, he realised that somehow he’d become a celebrity. “It wasn’t just what happened that I needed time to comprehend. It was the scrutiny. The media attention. It’s not nice. Why do you think Susan Boyle blew up? It was slightly different for her, she put herself up for it. I didn’t realise what I’d done. I didn’t realise that was going to be a life-changing moment for me.”

Yet he has perpetuated that fame, even though he finds elements of it difficult. Why? “What would you have done?” he asks. “What would anyone else do? You take the opportunity. Anyone who says they wouldn’t is a liar.”

Since that day, he has had a more fundamental life changing moment. In October last year Smeaton, a lifelong sufferer, had a severe asthma attack. He was rushed to hospital and fell into a coma, where he remained for 18 days. At one point, his parents were told he only had four hours to live.

“It made me realise life wasn’t there to worry about the sky falling in. I’m just happy to be here. I could be in a box, so every day I’m not in a box is a bonus. You get up and you walk down the street and you see people in a worse position than you and you feel, how lucky am I?”

We head up to Princes Street Gardens. Smeaton wears a baseball cap – a gift from the New York Fire Department – pulled low over his face. It is his protection from those who recognise him and think he’s their friend. We talk about his wife, Christy MacPhedran, whom he met at the CNN Everyday Superhero awards in 2007. She’s a tough, no-nonsense New Yorker, and he knew instantly that she was “the one”. The feeling was mutual: she proposed just months after they met and they married last month in Fife.

Because of the money situation and the usual visa complications, she is still living in New York. There are plans for her to move to Scotland later in the year, but he’s finding it difficult. “Not having her here really does my heart in,” he says. “I miss her. I love her to bits. She’s the one putting a brave face on it, saying we’ll see each other soon.”

We turn on to Rose Street. Every so often, despite the cap, someone will shout “Smeato!” at him. He always smiles and waves back, but I get the feeling it still un-nerves him. I lose count of how many times, throughout the day, he says: “I treat people how I like to be treated.”

We go to the Assembly bar for a pint. He is telling me about the day he met the head of the New York Fire Department, Salvatore Cassano, a man he clearly respects when, to my surprise, he bursts into tears. “I was standing there and I just thought, ‘I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve this’.” He shakes his head, his eyes red-rimmed. “But then Cassano said to me that I had come to the aid of someone else, someone who needed help, and that nobody could take that away from me.” He wipes his eyes on his sleeve.

On our way to the technical rehearsal, we meet Rosengard who is marching up to bemused passers-by outside the Assembly Rooms, waving flyers and demanding “Do you want to meet a real hero?” Smeaton lurks in the background, having a quiet conversation with a Big Issue seller.

A few hours later, after Smeaton’s been back to the flat for a sleep and a shower, we walk to George Street together. “He’s a hero!” one man shouts to no-one in particular, pointing at him. “We haven’t forgotten about you Smeato!”

In the Assembly bar a smattering of Glasgow glitterati has gathered – including Miss Scotland, Katharine Brown, and several ex-footballers, all here to support Smeaton. The night is sold out – the audience an odd mix of students, night owls, and curious tourists.

The show is, well, it’s what you’d expect. He’s initially nervous but gets into the swing of it, talking about his life as a baggage handler, meeting the Queen, the time Jack Straw lent him his asthma inhaler. It’s not big, it’s not clever, and it’s not always funny, but it is totally, endearingly real.

Afterwards he emerges looking nervous. “Was it all right? Was it all right?” he asks anxiously. I assure him he did well. He goes back to the bar where audience members are clamouring to buy him a pint and say hello. When I leave an hour later he’s still up, still chatting, still carrying on the banter. One way or another, it looks like the dice are still rolling his way.

• An Audience With John Smeaton The Edinburgh Suite, The Assembly Rooms, Edinburgh until 30 August (except 24).

• Last Updated: 19 August 2009 9:32 AM
• Source: The Scotsman
• Location: Edinburgh
• Published Date: 19 August 2009
  By Emma Cowing

Original article can be found here.

He’s our baggage handler hero, now John Smeaton tries his hand at comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe. With jokes about football, airport antics and meeting the Prime Minister, he seems to be onto a winner.

Read John Smeaton at the Edinburgh Fringe here.

John Smeaton had just stepped out for a cigarette while at work.

But his work was at Glasgow Airport and the date was 30th June 2007 and two Islamist terrorists had driven a burning jeep into the entrance.

The baggage handler leapt into action, subduing the terrorists as they fought against the police.

When asked about his bravery, Smeaton conveyed to international news audiences his no-nonsense approach to tackling terrorists: “This is Scotland; we’ll just set aboot ye!”

His remarks proved a hit with internet audiences and soon Smeaton – or ‘Smeato’ as he became known – was a household name all over the world. The New York Times called him “the new Braveheart”.

Celebrity, awards, and even his own newspaper column followed, but the 33-year-old has retained his down-to-earth charm.

His Fringe show asks ‘What Would Smeato Do?’ as he ‘sets aboot’ the major issues facing the world today.

His legion fans – who still maintain Smeato fan sites online – will rush to this one-man show to learn more about the man behind the myth.
John Smeaton is on at Assembly from 17th to 30th August.

Original article can be found here.

An excellent article written by Dominic Cavendish for the Telegraph can be found by clicking on the following link: Can John Smeaton be its saviour?

The Glasgow Airport Baggage Handler Hero/Folk Philosopher. The man with a thousand opinions: ‘sets aboot ye!’

World in Crisis? What would John Smeaton do?

After Starring in 100s of Edinburgh Fringe performers stories over the last 2 years, we can now confirm that finally the man himself is to appear in his own Fringe show this Summer!

AN AUDIENCE WITH JOHN SMEATON
(Chaired by Arnold Brown.)

The 2009 Edinburgh Fringe Festival
Mon 17 – Sun 30 Aug 2009
Venue: The Edinburgh Suite
The Assembly Rooms
54 George Street
EDINBURGH
SCOTLAND

Show starts: 11.25pm [60 mins]
Mon 17 – Sun 30 Aug. 2009
(No show Mon 24 Aug)

NOTE: Tickets for The SMEATO show go on sale from 10 June.
The box office phone: 0131 623 3030 (from US. Call 0114 4131 623 3030)
www.assemblyfestival.com

Come and ask the man himself your questions…

Hear Smeato’s Secrets of the Universe…learn about The Art of Baggage Handling (“Kick em!?” The Editor).. Fly fishing .(Kick em!?).The Smeato Guide to Military History..( “Kick em!? ” Ed.).. Xbox…. tackling terrorists..(” Kick em!!” Ed.)…politicians who have never held a real job outside politics.. (“Kick em!?” Ed.)..people who sponge off of the state and complain…(Kick em!?”Ed ) .Football (“Kick em!? Ed”)…My biggest battle….60 mins from Death..” What 2 weeks in a coma taught me.”

Roll up and hear Smeato further expound on a myriad of subjects including..

“My travels in America… Suitcases…. P.E.T.A ..(Who? Ed. “That’s people who pass on nonfactual information and treat it as the gospel truth!” Smeato)…dogs…single Malt whisky…Religious fundamentalists of any kind..Smeato’s Guide to the Movies.. more on.. dogs…..Bankers… Honesty and Smeato’s Top Ten Ways to Have Fun..”

Mon 17 – Sun 30 Aug 2009

The very PC comedian Arnold Brown* chairs the very NON PC SMEATO in..

AN AUDIENCE WTH JOHN SMEATON.

(*The Perrier Award Winning veteran laconic Glaswegian comedian.. First night Comedy Store performer/ Comic Strip member.. “Arnold Brown is The King of the one liners”… ..The Comedy Store founder Peter Rosengard.

AN AUDIENCE WITH JOHN SMEATON.

The Queen’s Gallantry Award Medal Holder…
Glasgow Airport Terror attack/ CNN Global Hero:

“The New Braveheart’. New York Times.

‘International spokesman for Scottish Defiance’. Wall Street Journal.

‘They’re on their feet for Smeat!’ Sun.

“I must have 2 tickets.!”..Osama Bin Laden.

..Two historic events today!!

With immaculate timing. John Smeato left Hospital at exactly the same time across the pond Barak Obama won the US election.

Unconnected? – I don’t think so..

Watch out for Smeato to be appointed to a top position in the Obama Administation! Secretary of State!!?? I’m not saying anything?

Here’s some more goodies!

The Sun article – 4th November Part 1 (PDF)

The Sun article – 4th November Part 2 (PDF)

The Sun article – 5th November

STV Interview (Video)

UPDATE 22 / Friday 31st October 2008 3.30pm
BREAKING NEWS!! SMEATO TALKS FROM HIS HOSPITAL BED!
..”STILL KICKING! ..STILL FIGHTING! .. STILL SMEATO!!!”

We called Smeato today and this is what he had to say.
Clearly tired and his voice hoarse. He has  been able to walk round the ward
..And he had some more great news!

Smeato: “Hello there.”

Ed: How are you feeling Smeato? You have no idea just how good it is to hear your voice…You have beaten this! Congratulations! ..you are a true fighter.

Smeato:” It’s been a bit of a whirlwind!”

Ed: “Do you have a message for your fans who have being praying for you to pull through..from all over Scotland..and the whole World?”
Smeato: “Thank you all for all your support.
…Y’know I’m just so glad to be here still..still kicking!..still fighting!…
…. still Smeato!.
And I just want to say…God Bless the NHS!
The Doctors say I should be out of here next week some time..
Then I’ve got a long period of recovery ahead of me.”

Ed: “Smeato what’s the first thing you want to do as soon as you are well enough?”

Smeato: “I want to go and see a Rangers match!”

UPDATE 21 / Monday 27th October 08:00pm – SMEATO OUT Of INTENSIVE CARE!!!

John is tonight in a regular ward for the first time after being transferred from The Intensive Care Unit where he has been for over 2 weeks. This is the great news his family and friends have been waiting to hear.

UPDATE 20 / Sunday 26th October 10.45pm – SMEATO SPEAKS!!!

YES!! Smeato fans everywhere!!..the man himself today spoke his first words since coming out of his 13 day coma..

“I WANT TO GO HOME!!” He said to his Father.
Great words indeed! Music to his family’s and our ears.
I hear that Smeato then cracked his famous Smeato smile!
Let’s all hope it won’t be too long before his being back home with the SMEATONS is a reality.

At www.johnsmeaton.com, we can now  report that Smeato today had his first solid food.. after 17 days of being fed through a tube…a slice of toast..and a cup of tea!!! (The whisky will have tp wait!)

CONGRATULATIONS!! SMEATO from all your family and friends and I know. – speak on behalf of the thousands of wellwishers around the world who have contacted your family..and the SUN newspaper..and of course this site..( Just a tiny selection from the thousands of ‘get well Smeato’  messages that we have received..we have posted up).

SMEATO SPEAKS!!  Great news!!!

And finally of course we must say a HUGE and very special Thank You to all the wonderful team of Nurses and Doctors and Consultants at The Intensive Care Unit of The Royal Alexandra Hospital who have given world class NHS care to  SMEATO and literally kept him alive..they truly saved his life!

UPDATE 19 / Saturday 25th Oct 10.58pm

Another really good day today. Nurses and Doctors are very pleased with Smeato’s progress, and so are the Smeatons of course. Nobody could wish for a better family at this time. They have been at the hospital everyday for 2 straight weeks now, as has Smeatos fiancee Christy, and her Mom who also flew in from NY to be with the Smeatons at this very tough time.

I have to say, if this last 16 months had been a reality TV show… (‘Meet the Smeats’? ‘At Home With The Smeatons’?) Nobody would have believed it. What great highs and recent awful lows. It couldn’t have been a movie… Even a Hollywood writer just couldn’t have dreamt this story up!

Of course none of us would have wished the last 2 weeks that Smeato and his family have been through on anybody.

But the word today is that things are looking much better than they have been for a while. One day at a time Smeato’s fighting and winning this. His toughest ever fight.

We’re the Worriors…  Our man Smeato’s a warrior! The word on the streets of Glasgow and all over Scotland today is…. Smeato’s on his way back!

UPDATE 18 / Friday 24th October 2008 11:00pm

More good news today..has been Another good day for SMEATO..

And the news from Dad Iain is he still improving bit by bit..but” definitely a good day.”. The Smeaton family and fiancee Christy (who has been at John’s bedside for 2 weeks since flying over from NY as soon as she got the news..) are  optimistic. .but remember it’s been a rollercoaster ride some days…of   2 steps forward..one back…

Smeato’s had a few good days now in succession..and we all hope that he will be able to move from Intensive care .. not so long from now… (He has been in ICU.. for over 2 weeks now.).to the next level down….The High Dependency Unit.

UPDATE 17 / Thursday 23rd October 2008  05:10pm

Another good day for the Smeatonator!

Dad Iain’s voice down the phone this evening said it all… Immediately could tell that .Smeato has had a good day…

“He’s communicating well..of course still cannot talk what with all the tubes..but he definitely had a good day today.” He siad speaking from the ante room in the Intensive Care ward of the Royal Alexandra where 2 weeks ago to the day John was rushed by ambulance.

-I said 13 days without a single word from the Big Man ( whose is well  known to have a few  opinions)…. must have been a world record for the Smeato!…”.oh definitely.! …he laughed..”.you’re right about that !” -he said.

As a new message today on the site says..”.the World’s in crisis man! ..hurry up and get yourself better Smeato!..cos we need you to sort things out!”

UPDATE 16 / Wednesday 22nd October 2008 01:00pm – We spoke just now to Iain (Smeato’s Dad)…here is what he said:

“We are delighted with John’s progress.. but we’re still not out of the woods yet… still got a long way to go .. but he is conscious now. Which is wonderful.. Off the ventilator…and trying to talk!! ..but he’s still got lots of tubes in…so it’s not possible. ( ‘Keeping Smeato quiet after 13 days of silence must be. difficult!!’ Says Editor).but he is doing great! Iain continued… “But still in intensive care and we just hope his progress continues.. but  we are definitely feeling positive.”

UPDATE 15 / Wednesday 22nd October 2008 11:00am – Smeato has regained consciousness! At last great news for Smeato friends and fans everywhere… John opened his eyes and immediately recognised his family and Christy at his bedside… He is on the road to recovery, although still attached to a ventilator and in intensive care.

UPDATE 14 / Monday 20th October 2008 08:00pm – The Smeatonator had a good rest last night and is stable today. Come on Smeato! You can do it! All of Scotland’s behind you! Keep making th

Smeato was rushed to hospital by Ambulance on Thursday night following a massive asthma attack. He is in intensive care where he has been on a ventilator since arrival.

His condition is stable and his fiancee Christy flew in this morning from NY to be at his bedside. The next 24 hours are critical, and Doctors hope to be able to attempt to take him off the ventilator tomorrow. His family are at his bedside.

John has had asthma for most of his life and at age 19 had a near fatal attack.

HAVE A GO MINISTER SAVED HAVE A GO HERO

In July at Claridge’s Hotel in London, SMEATO had a bad asthma attack just as he was about to have a breakfast meeting with Jack Straw, The Minister of Justice, having flown down from Glasgow the night before. Fortunately Straw, himself an asthma sufferer, arrived and sent his police guard to the car for a special piece of asthma equipment, a ‘spacer’ that he showed John how to use. Within 5 minutes the Smeatonator had recovered.

MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR

John Keep Strong! You can beat this… You are the SMEATONATOR! Millions of your fellow Scots are praying for your recovery… as are millions of your fans all over the UK and the rest of the world to whom you SMEATO are both a Hero and an inspiration.

You are not alone in this battle… John we are all there alongside you!

Been shopping with Christy… God, clothes are so cheap its really unbelievable! So is the price of fuel and the Yanks think it dear! God I wish it was that price back in the UK!

I was on Fox TV Monday morning on America’s News Room! What a laugh! American TV is so much different than TV back home, its full of Ed Winchester’s from the Fast Show… “Hi im Ed Winchester”, you get the idea.

Well as I write this my girlfriends dog is snapping at my heels. Her name is Lola and she is the most hypo dog i have ever met. She’s a right wee ankle biter but has a heart of gold for a Jack Russell… going to take her out for a walk later… well when i say walk i mean that we’re going down the pub for some Magners and ice… there is nothing better to drink on a warm day so as everyday is warm its Magners every day yee hah!

Got to go to Washington DC on Thursday… Got a meeting which I have to attend! Never been to Washington DC so it will be interesting to see all the sights. Looking forward to it… but I am starving at the mo so its time for bacon and eggs.

Smeato signing off! Hope you are all keeping well, if not get better soon!

Cheers!

Smeato

“Thank you everybody. Without your support it would have been a lot harder to get through this unbelievable year. It’s been absolutely brilliant, fantastic – I’ve met so many people. I’ve been to places I never ever thought I’d see in my life… New York… London… Barcelona… New York… New York! Manchester… Leeds… all over the world.

It just shows you how great the human race is… so many wonderful people… its been very humbling… but your support and the thousands of messages over this whole crazy year has been brilliant… and along the way if I’ve given you all a laugh… its all been worth it… every second of it…

I’ve quit my job, and I am on a wee journey right now… in more ways than one. I am in New York and then I am going to the West Coast.

I don’t know where it’s going to take me but one thing’s certain… I will always go home to Scotland… to Glasgow… always. Make no mistake about that. The other day someone wrote me an email and said ‘You can take the Smeato out of Scotland, but you can never take The Scotland out of Smeato.’ and that’s the truth.

My great Uncle Stevie, when I was a lad, he’d take me fishing, and he always told me ‘John what’s for you… will never go by you.‘ But you know, sometimes you have to stick your hand out and grab it.

It’s there and it’s for you…

But if you don’t notice it… it’ll go by you.”

I AM NEVER LEAVING GLASGOW! I’LL NEVER Leave Scotland!

Smeato was Spotted in London by our man in Claridges Thursday morning deep in animated conversation over his porridge with one of the UK’s leading politician leaders. Smeato we can exclusively reveal was on a flying top secret 12 hr visit to confer at the very highest levels of government…

THE BIG STORY TONIGHT

SMEATO is being lined up to take over from Gordo!

Yes tonight Westminster is awash with frenzied rumoours that SMEATO is being implored to take over as  Prime Minister should Gordo be forced out as the economy falls off a cliff.

It is not widely generally known that Smeato is not just a world famous baggage handler hero but is also a Nobel Prize winning economic genius.

Smeato- as well as being able to sort out 320,853 missing bags single handed in 24 hours at Heathrow’s new Terminal 5 in March also was solely responsible for the Icelandic banking sectors against all the odds survival and the economic miracle success story that has made The Republic of Brazzaville Congo the world’s richest country.

Did you know that? Of course you didn’t did you? Go on admit it.

In the Great Man’s own words “you didn’t have a scoobie !”

Amidst mounting rumour and news reports (click here for details on this), John Smeaton denies any intention of standing against David Davis in the forthcoming by election. John Smeaton says -”I haven’t a scooby why people are saying this! I am not a political man… I was a baggage handler for 12 years.”

John went on to say “And as far as the 42 day period goes… well, if it is going to helps to stop terrorists setting off their bombs and killing innocent people – I’m all for it… but I’ll not support anything that encroaches on the rights of law abiding individuals.”

On other news, there have been several reports of John Smeaton announcing his departure from Scotland, and moving to the US to join his American girlfriend. Details can be read at the following links:

The Scotsman News – Terror Attack Hero Smeaton Quits

TIMES Online – Have-a-go Hero John Smeaton moving to States

But don’t hold your breath because John Smeaton himself clarifies that he is only going there for a MONTH long vacation! This clarification was published and can be read at the following link:

icRenfrewshire – Airport Hero Would Miss Ibrox!

There you have it, from the man himself!