The Glasgow Airport hero had the picky Fringe audience eating out of his hand on the opening night of his hilarious An Audience With… show.
Smeato talked them through his meteoric rise from baggage handler to superstar.
They giggled about his meetings with Gordon Brown, the Queen and Billy Connolly.
And laughed out loud at his indecent proposal from two randy air stewardesses.
EARLY morning rain spatters the kitchen windows of one of Edinburgh New Town’s more salubrious addresses as a sock-clad, sleepy-eyed John Smeaton pours his second cup of tea of the day.
The birds might still be in their beds, but Smeaton and his trademark Glasgow banter are already up and about. “Why does nobody take sugar any more?” he demands, shaking his head in mock outrage and handing me a steaming mug of sugarless tea. “Just what is the world coming tae?”
He’s our baggage handler hero, now John Smeaton tries his hand at comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe. With jokes about football, airport antics and meeting the Prime Minister, he seems to be onto a winner.
Glasgow Airport hero John Smeaton gives his frank opinions on the state of world affairs.
John Smeaton had just stepped out for a cigarette while at work.
But his work was at Glasgow Airport and the date was 30th June 2007 and two Islamist terrorists had driven a burning jeep into the entrance.
The baggage handler leapt into action, subduing the terrorists as they fought against the police.
When asked about his bravery, Smeaton conveyed to international news audiences his no-nonsense approach to tackling terrorists: “This is Scotland; we’ll just set aboot ye!”
His remarks proved a hit with internet audiences and soon Smeaton – or ‘Smeato’ as he became known – was a household name all over the world. The New York Times called him “the new Braveheart”.
Celebrity, awards, and even his own newspaper column followed, but the 33-year-old has retained his down-to-earth charm.
His Fringe show asks ‘What Would Smeato Do?’ as he ‘sets aboot’ the major issues facing the world today.
His legion fans – who still maintain Smeato fan sites online – will rush to this one-man show to learn more about the man behind the myth.
John Smeaton is on at Assembly from 17th to 30th August.
An excellent article written by Dominic Cavendish for the Telegraph can be found by clicking on the following link: Can John Smeaton be its saviour?
SMEATO HITS THE FRINGE! AN AUDIENCE WITH JOHN SMEATON!
Mon 17 – Sun 30 Aug 2009
The Glasgow Airport Baggage Handler Hero/Folk Philosopher. The man with a thousand opinions: ’sets aboot ye!’
World in Crisis? What would John Smeaton do?
After Starring in 100s of Edinburgh Fringe performers stories over the last 2 years, we can now confirm that finally the man himself is to appear in his own Fringe show this Summer!
AN AUDIENCE WITH JOHN SMEATON
(Chaired by Arnold Brown.)
The 2009 Edinburgh Fringe Festival
Mon 17 – Sun 30 Aug 2009
Venue: The Edinburgh Suite
The Assembly Rooms
54 George Street
EDINBURGH
SCOTLAND
Show starts: 11.25pm [60 mins]
Mon 17 – Sun 30 Aug. 2009
(No show Mon 24 Aug)
NOTE: Tickets for The SMEATO show go on sale from 10 June.
The box office phone: 0131 623 3030 (from US. Call 0114 4131 623 3030)
www.assemblyfestival.com
Come and ask the man himself your questions…
Hear Smeato’s Secrets of the Universe…learn about The Art of Baggage Handling (“Kick em!?” The Editor).. Fly fishing .(Kick em!?).The Smeato Guide to Military History..( “Kick em!? ” Ed.).. Xbox…. tackling terrorists..(” Kick em!!” Ed.)…politicians who have never held a real job outside politics.. (“Kick em!?” Ed.)..people who sponge off of the state and complain…(Kick em!?”Ed ) .Football (“Kick em!? Ed”)…My biggest battle….60 mins from Death..” What 2 weeks in a coma taught me.”
Roll up and hear Smeato further expound on a myriad of subjects including..
“My travels in America… Suitcases…. P.E.T.A ..(Who? Ed. “That’s people who pass on nonfactual information and treat it as the gospel truth!” Smeato)…dogs…single Malt whisky…Religious fundamentalists of any kind..Smeato’s Guide to the Movies.. more on.. dogs…..Bankers… Honesty and Smeato’s Top Ten Ways to Have Fun..”
Mon 17 – Sun 30 Aug 2009
The very PC comedian Arnold Brown* chairs the very NON PC SMEATO in..
AN AUDIENCE WTH JOHN SMEATON.
(*The Perrier Award Winning veteran laconic Glaswegian comedian.. First night Comedy Store performer/ Comic Strip member.. “Arnold Brown is The King of the one liners”… ..The Comedy Store founder Peter Rosengard.
AN AUDIENCE WITH JOHN SMEATON.
The Queen’s Gallantry Award Medal Holder…
Glasgow Airport Terror attack/ CNN Global Hero:
“The New Braveheart’. New York Times.
‘International spokesman for Scottish Defiance’. Wall Street Journal.
‘They’re on their feet for Smeat!’ Sun.
“I must have 2 tickets.!”..Osama Bin Laden.
..Two historic events today!!
With immaculate timing. John Smeato left Hospital at exactly the same time across the pond Barak Obama won the US election.
Unconnected? – I don’t think so..
Watch out for Smeato to be appointed to a top position in the Obama Administation! Secretary of State!!?? I’m not saying anything?
Here’s some more goodies!
The Sun article – 4th November Part 1 (PDF)
The Sun article – 4th November Part 2 (PDF)
UPDATE 22 / Friday 31st October 2008 3.30pm
BREAKING NEWS!! SMEATO TALKS FROM HIS HOSPITAL BED!
..”STILL KICKING! ..STILL FIGHTING! .. STILL SMEATO!!!”
We called Smeato today and this is what he had to say.
Clearly tired and his voice hoarse. He has been able to walk round the ward
..And he had some more great news!
Smeato: “Hello there.”
Ed: How are you feeling Smeato? You have no idea just how good it is to hear your voice…You have beaten this! Congratulations! ..you are a true fighter.
Smeato:” It’s been a bit of a whirlwind!”
Ed: “Do you have a message for your fans who have being praying for you to pull through..from all over Scotland..and the whole World?”
Smeato: “Thank you all for all your support.
…Y’know I’m just so glad to be here still..still kicking!..still fighting!…
…. still Smeato!.
And I just want to say…God Bless the NHS!
The Doctors say I should be out of here next week some time..
Then I’ve got a long period of recovery ahead of me.”
Ed: “Smeato what’s the first thing you want to do as soon as you are well enough?”
Smeato: “I want to go and see a Rangers match!”
UPDATE 21 / Monday 27th October 08:00pm – SMEATO OUT Of INTENSIVE CARE!!!
John is tonight in a regular ward for the first time after being transferred from The Intensive Care Unit where he has been for over 2 weeks. This is the great news his family and friends have been waiting to hear.
UPDATE 20 / Sunday 26th October 10.45pm – SMEATO SPEAKS!!!
YES!! Smeato fans everywhere!!..the man himself today spoke his first words since coming out of his 13 day coma..
“I WANT TO GO HOME!!” He said to his Father.
Great words indeed! Music to his family’s and our ears.
I hear that Smeato then cracked his famous Smeato smile!
Let’s all hope it won’t be too long before his being back home with the SMEATONS is a reality.
At www.johnsmeaton.com, we can now report that Smeato today had his first solid food.. after 17 days of being fed through a tube…a slice of toast..and a cup of tea!!! (The whisky will have tp wait!)
CONGRATULATIONS!! SMEATO from all your family and friends and I know. – speak on behalf of the thousands of wellwishers around the world who have contacted your family..and the SUN newspaper..and of course this site..( Just a tiny selection from the thousands of ‘get well Smeato’ messages that we have received..we have posted up).
SMEATO SPEAKS!! Great news!!!
And finally of course we must say a HUGE and very special Thank You to all the wonderful team of Nurses and Doctors and Consultants at The Intensive Care Unit of The Royal Alexandra Hospital who have given world class NHS care to SMEATO and literally kept him alive..they truly saved his life!
UPDATE 19 / Saturday 25th Oct 10.58pm
Another really good day today. Nurses and Doctors are very pleased with Smeato’s progress, and so are the Smeatons of course. Nobody could wish for a better family at this time. They have been at the hospital everyday for 2 straight weeks now, as has Smeatos fiancee Christy, and her Mom who also flew in from NY to be with the Smeatons at this very tough time.
I have to say, if this last 16 months had been a reality TV show… (‘Meet the Smeats’? ‘At Home With The Smeatons’?) Nobody would have believed it. What great highs and recent awful lows. It couldn’t have been a movie… Even a Hollywood writer just couldn’t have dreamt this story up!
Of course none of us would have wished the last 2 weeks that Smeato and his family have been through on anybody.
But the word today is that things are looking much better than they have been for a while. One day at a time Smeato’s fighting and winning this. His toughest ever fight.
We’re the Worriors… Our man Smeato’s a warrior! The word on the streets of Glasgow and all over Scotland today is…. Smeato’s on his way back!
UPDATE 18 / Friday 24th October 2008 11:00pm
More good news today..has been Another good day for SMEATO..
And the news from Dad Iain is he still improving bit by bit..but” definitely a good day.”. The Smeaton family and fiancee Christy (who has been at John’s bedside for 2 weeks since flying over from NY as soon as she got the news..) are optimistic. .but remember it’s been a rollercoaster ride some days…of 2 steps forward..one back…
Smeato’s had a few good days now in succession..and we all hope that he will be able to move from Intensive care .. not so long from now… (He has been in ICU.. for over 2 weeks now.).to the next level down….The High Dependency Unit.
UPDATE 17 / Thursday 23rd October 2008 05:10pm
Another good day for the Smeatonator!
Dad Iain’s voice down the phone this evening said it all… Immediately could tell that .Smeato has had a good day…
“He’s communicating well..of course still cannot talk what with all the tubes..but he definitely had a good day today.” He siad speaking from the ante room in the Intensive Care ward of the Royal Alexandra where 2 weeks ago to the day John was rushed by ambulance.
-I said 13 days without a single word from the Big Man ( whose is well known to have a few opinions)…. must have been a world record for the Smeato!…”.oh definitely.! …he laughed..”.you’re right about that !” -he said.
As a new message today on the site says..”.the World’s in crisis man! ..hurry up and get yourself better Smeato!..cos we need you to sort things out!”
UPDATE 16 / Wednesday 22nd October 2008 01:00pm – We spoke just now to Iain (Smeato’s Dad)…here is what he said:
“We are delighted with John’s progress.. but we’re still not out of the woods yet… still got a long way to go .. but he is conscious now. Which is wonderful.. Off the ventilator…and trying to talk!! ..but he’s still got lots of tubes in…so it’s not possible. ( ‘Keeping Smeato quiet after 13 days of silence must be. difficult!!’ Says Editor).but he is doing great! Iain continued… “But still in intensive care and we just hope his progress continues.. but we are definitely feeling positive.”
UPDATE 15 / Wednesday 22nd October 2008 11:00am – Smeato has regained consciousness! At last great news for Smeato friends and fans everywhere… John opened his eyes and immediately recognised his family and Christy at his bedside… He is on the road to recovery, although still attached to a ventilator and in intensive care.
UPDATE 14 / Monday 20th October 2008 08:00pm – The Smeatonator had a good rest last night and is stable today. Come on Smeato! You can do it! All of Scotland’s behind you! Keep making th
Smeato was rushed to hospital by Ambulance on Thursday night following a massive asthma attack. He is in intensive care where he has been on a ventilator since arrival.
His condition is stable and his fiancee Christy flew in this morning from NY to be at his bedside. The next 24 hours are critical, and Doctors hope to be able to attempt to take him off the ventilator tomorrow. His family are at his bedside.
John has had asthma for most of his life and at age 19 had a near fatal attack.
HAVE A GO MINISTER SAVED HAVE A GO HERO
In July at Claridge’s Hotel in London, SMEATO had a bad asthma attack just as he was about to have a breakfast meeting with Jack Straw, The Minister of Justice, having flown down from Glasgow the night before. Fortunately Straw, himself an asthma sufferer, arrived and sent his police guard to the car for a special piece of asthma equipment, a ’spacer’ that he showed John how to use. Within 5 minutes the Smeatonator had recovered.
MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR
John Keep Strong! You can beat this… You are the SMEATONATOR! Millions of your fellow Scots are praying for your recovery… as are millions of your fans all over the UK and the rest of the world to whom you SMEATO are both a Hero and an inspiration.
You are not alone in this battle… John we are all there alongside you!
Well, I am here in the US. Got in on Friday and staying with the missus in the Bronx here in NY and what can I say about this town, its the Dogs even though its boiling every day! Let’s just say I look like a red lobster but it beats Summer back home in Glasgow… at least it’s sunny here and its warm!
Been shopping with Christy… God, clothes are so cheap its really unbelievable! So is the price of fuel and the Yanks think it dear! God I wish it was that price back in the UK!
I was on Fox TV Monday morning on America’s News Room! What a laugh! American TV is so much different than TV back home, its full of Ed Winchester’s from the Fast Show… “Hi im Ed Winchester”, you get the idea.
Well as I write this my girlfriends dog is snapping at my heels. Her name is Lola and she is the most hypo dog i have ever met. She’s a right wee ankle biter but has a heart of gold for a Jack Russell… going to take her out for a walk later… well when i say walk i mean that we’re going down the pub for some Magners and ice… there is nothing better to drink on a warm day so as everyday is warm its Magners every day yee hah!
Got to go to Washington DC on Thursday… Got a meeting which I have to attend! Never been to Washington DC so it will be interesting to see all the sights. Looking forward to it… but I am starving at the mo so its time for bacon and eggs.
Smeato signing off! Hope you are all keeping well, if not get better soon!
Cheers!
Smeato
One year to the day after the terror attack on Glasgow Airport, John Smeaton talks from New York City 30th June, 2008.
“Thank you everybody. Without your support it would have been a lot harder to get through this unbelievable year. It’s been absolutely brilliant, fantastic – I’ve met so many people. I’ve been to places I never ever thought I’d see in my life… New York… London… Barcelona… New York… New York! Manchester… Leeds… all over the world.
It just shows you how great the human race is… so many wonderful people… its been very humbling… but your support and the thousands of messages over this whole crazy year has been brilliant… and along the way if I’ve given you all a laugh… its all been worth it… every second of it…
I’ve quit my job, and I am on a wee journey right now… in more ways than one. I am in New York and then I am going to the West Coast.
I don’t know where it’s going to take me but one thing’s certain… I will always go home to Scotland… to Glasgow… always. Make no mistake about that. The other day someone wrote me an email and said ‘You can take the Smeato out of Scotland, but you can never take The Scotland out of Smeato.’ and that’s the truth.
My great Uncle Stevie, when I was a lad, he’d take me fishing, and he always told me ‘John what’s for you… will never go by you.‘ But you know, sometimes you have to stick your hand out and grab it.
It’s there and it’s for you…
But if you don’t notice it… it’ll go by you.”
I AM NEVER LEAVING GLASGOW! I’LL NEVER Leave Scotland!
Smeato was Spotted in London by our man in Claridges Thursday morning deep in animated conversation over his porridge with one of the UK’s leading politician leaders. Smeato we can exclusively reveal was on a flying top secret 12 hr visit to confer at the very highest levels of government…
THE BIG STORY TONIGHT
SMEATO is being lined up to take over from Gordo!
Yes tonight Westminster is awash with frenzied rumoours that SMEATO is being implored to take over as Prime Minister should Gordo be forced out as the economy falls off a cliff.
It is not widely generally known that Smeato is not just a world famous baggage handler hero but is also a Nobel Prize winning economic genius.
Smeato- as well as being able to sort out 320,853 missing bags single handed in 24 hours at Heathrow’s new Terminal 5 in March also was solely responsible for the Icelandic banking sectors against all the odds survival and the economic miracle success story that has made The Republic of Brazzaville Congo the world’s richest country.
Did you know that? Of course you didn’t did you? Go on admit it.
In the Great Man’s own words “you didn’t have a scoobie !”
LATEST NEWS!
Amidst mounting rumour and news reports (click here for details on this), John Smeaton denies any intention of standing against David Davis in the forthcoming by election. John Smeaton says -”I haven’t a scooby why people are saying this! I am not a political man… I was a baggage handler for 12 years.”
John went on to say “And as far as the 42 day period goes… well, if it is going to helps to stop terrorists setting off their bombs and killing innocent people – I’m all for it… but I’ll not support anything that encroaches on the rights of law abiding individuals.”
On other news, there have been several reports of John Smeaton announcing his departure from Scotland, and moving to the US to join his American girlfriend. Details can be read at the following links:
The Scotsman News – Terror Attack Hero Smeaton Quits
TIMES Online – Have-a-go Hero John Smeaton moving to States
But don’t hold your breath because John Smeaton himself clarifies that he is only going there for a MONTH long vacation! This clarification was published and can be read at the following link:
icRenfrewshire – Airport Hero Would Miss Ibrox!
There you have it, from the man himself!